"You are a rock upon which I stand"

Funeral masses are sad. I plan this to be my speech for my grandfather's funeral mass. It's a diary entry by me. I know it sounds cruel to think about it now, but when I read it, it'll sound real and raw.

"June 12th, 2007 9:07pm

Summer Vacation! Whoohoo! Let's start with what I did today. This morning I woke up at 5:51 AM. I daydreamed about Casey Affleck. Oh Lord, is he cute. Me, Derek, grandma, grandpa, and Bodgy went to the beach. We didn't sit too close to the water, but about 20 feet from the barrier wall, which is about 1/4 mile away from the water. This beach trip didn't feel the same. First of all, grandpa stayed in the van. Second of all, my parents weren't there. The trip lasted for only about 20 minutes because grandpa said he felt sick. Bodgy was having a grand olde time though. Gramps was in a panic. Right when I entered the van, he said "Eeriinn, I'm siiick." Now, he's had a history of saying this, and people in my family are getting sick of it. When he said this, my grandmother & I exchanged smiles. We knew he was overreacting. He pleaded to go to the hospital, where he has spent the 3 previous days in. We did some other stuff, like get lunch&picking up his medicine. I was pooped from that 20 minute beach trip, so I was snoring in the back seat. He was feeling fine though. I'm guessing he felt sorry for taking us from our fun and asked grandma if she'd take us back again. We didn't want to. I attended a funeral mass, And I sat there listening to the things people had to say. I thought about what I'D say at grandpa's funeral. I'd take that as an insult if I were him. But I figured if he thought so much about dying, he'd expect to die soon. I knew he was scared to die though, that's why he's always in a panic. I've also realized how God works. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own lives, we don't think about family. So he sends out a tragedy, like a death or cancer or something to slap everyone in the face to wake us up. Then we'd realize how horrible and selfish we've been. I think I should attend more funeral masses. That's when I do deep thinking. And now, I plan to read this at my grandfather's funeral. It would let him know what I'm thinking, since we'd rarely talk to each other. (I don't know, I just don't know what to say around him.) It'd let him know how important he is. Cause his death would be a huge slap in the face. And I'd greatly appreciate that, God. It'd let this family know what it is like to actually be one. We'd all have great memories of this man. We'd all be sorry for ridiculing his panics and whining. I'd remember him as the Republican that watches Bill O'Reilly everyday and loves dreaming about getting that winning Lottery ticket. The man that'd say that there's a "MoMo" in the boiler room. The electronically-challenged man that needed help from Amanda and me on his office computer. The man that's always hard to understand. In these past couple of years, and by that I mean 2006 and 2007, I try not to, but I'll remember him as the boy who cried wolf. You know that story? He's the man that would bring family&friends together on those nights to remember him and to pray the Rosary. HE'S THE MAN. And I'm sorry for thinking about your funeral on this Tuesday night, but I just this to be raw as raw can get. Yes, I greatly appreciate this slap in the face.

P.S. : I know there's Fox News and a heater up there. And because of you, I gave republicans another chance."